Internet Safety For Parents & Children

Parents, Kids and the Internet

By Krista Fogelso, Director of Research,
Stronger Families for Oregon

The Oregon Police Chief, Spring 2008 Edition Pg. 4-8

In 2006, 87% of youth aged 12-17 were online.

• 89% of them used e-mail
• 84% searched the web
• 81% played online games
• 75% used Instant Messaging (IM) or other chat programs
• 94% used the Internet for school research
• 55% used it for social networking sites such as MySpace, Facebook or even personal blogs. [i]

This generation of teens and kids has been dubbed the "cyber generation." The cyber generation began using computers in elementary school or even earlier. They probably do not remember computers without the Internet, consider dial-up very outdated, and although they still use it, believe that e-mail is becoming an outdated form of communication as well. [ii]

The cyber generation can also pick up new programs quickly and are excellent at multitasking. They are able to use multiple applications such as e-mail, iTunes and IM, while doing research, at the same time!

The continual growth of new media on the Internet may baffle and overwhelm many parents. Vicki Courtney, author of Logged In and Tuned Out, shares how parents use to keep track of technology by watching their kids talk on the phone in the center of the room! Now kids can contact each other on their cell phones at all times. [iii] Kids can also contact their friends with Instant Messaging (IM), e-mail, or even play games with someone on the other side of the world! This will keep parents on their toes. However, it is important they do not resign themselves to thinking that this technology is beyond their understanding and allow their kids to use it with little supervision.

A report produced by the Girl Scouts revealed that although [kids] and teens can navigate technology, they are often not emotionally mature enough to process information they receive online (obscene photos, SPAM, or cyber bullying) and may be "too easily swayed by online friends who express caring toward them."[iv] Typically, a parent would not drop their kids off unattended in a strange place to fend for themselves for hours on end. The online world can also be a strange and scary place. Parry Aftab, author of A Parent's Guide to the Internet, stresses that "... allowing your children to spend unlimited time online, surfing aimlessly, is asking for trouble." [v] Kids need their parents to be involved!

This report will outline the importance of parental involvement in their kids' online lives: tracking online use, teaching Internet etiquette, understanding and monitoring social networks, and addressing online predators and cyber bullying.

Parental Involvement

A survey by the Children's Partnership revealed that the majority of parents believe they supervise their kids' Internet use more than their kids believe they do.

• 64% of parents say they have Internet rules.
• 37% of teens say they have rules.
• 62% of parents say they check sites their kids visit.
• 33% of teens say their parents check.
• 62% of parents and teens feel teens do things online they would rather their parents not see. [vi]

Evidently, more intentional parental involvement is necessary. In order to properly monitor their kids, Courtney suggests the following three things:

Talk with Your Kids: Parents need to make sure their kids understand the family ground rules before they go online. These rules include length of time online, appropriate areas to visit, time of day online, and necessary steps to stay safe and protect privacy.

The following suggestions for family rules taken from the website SafeKids.com

Kids
• I will not give out personal information without parental permission.
• I will never get together with someone I "met" online without parental permission.
• i will never post or send a picture without parental permission.
• I will never give out my Internet passwords, even to my best friend.
• I will not download or install software without parental permission.[vii]

Parents
• I will get to know the websites my child uses.
• I will set reasonable guidelines for internet use.
• I recognize these guidelines may change as my children get older.
• I will get to know my children's online friends.
• I will teach my child to seperate fact from fiction on the Internet. [viii]

Experts recommend posting the rules next to the computer. Discussions about the Internet and new media are also not intended as one time pep talks. Parents and kids need to continue to remind each other of the rules.

Internet Filters: There are a variety of Internet filters that can block violent, sexually explicit, or illegal material. Filters can also program the Internet to shut off after a specific time of day. They can also block children from filling out personal information online and even provide kid friendly web browsers. Examples of Internet filters include Net Nanny, Cyber Sitter, and Safe Eyes. Windows Vista and MAC OS X Leopard also have filters.

Monitor Your Kids: In addition to internet filters, Courtney uses monitoring software to track her kids Internet history use, e-mails, and IM chats. She recognizes this is controversial and some might claim it an invasion of privacy. However, she feels it is appropriate to keep her kids and their friends accountable. Courtney does not read through each of her kids chat conversations or e-mails. Instead, she spot checks to make sure they are using the software responsibly. She also makes sure their friends are not sending SPAM or inappropriate messages, links, or pictures. She notes that as her children get older, she does not monitor as much, if at all. Unless parents are monitoring covertly to determine if their children are in danger, Courtney recommends letting your children know their Internet use is being monitored. [ix]

Teach General Internet Etiquette

The Internet allows users to comment on sites or articles, share their opinions in chat rooms, or play games with others, all while staying relatively anonymous. This anonymity can lead even typically nice people to say and write hurtful, rude or vulgar things they might never say face to face. Parents need teach their kids how to behave properly on the Internet.

Do not Flame: laming is when people degrade one another by saying hateful and rude things online. Sometimes chat groups will suspend online accounts if they catch flaming. To avoid flaming, comment to the topic on hand. Be respectful. If you disagree with the post, make the argument in a constructive manner. Do not attack the person directly.

Do not post in ALL CAPS: This looks like the user is shouting. It is distracting, and looks unprofessional. Use an asterisk to *emphasize* a certain word if necessary.

Use Proper Grammar: It is popular to use abbreviated and truncated speech when IMing. Teach your kids not to let that form of writing carry over onto school assignments, SATs, college exams, or even when leaving comments, or posting information on blogs or other websites.

Do not send SPAM: SPAM is unwanted junk mail that can come in the form of unwanted e-mail message sent out to multiple addresses, posting the same message on different message forums, or even posting junk comments on blogs, or MySpace/Facebook pages.

Do not give false information: Although it is acceptable to omit data to obtain privacy on the Internet, do not falsify your online internet information with the intent of tricking others that you are someone you are not.

Understand the Benefits and Dangers of Social Networking

The Internet has opened up a new avenue to keep in touch with friends after a move, friends from camp, international exchange students, or even search for new people with similar interests. More than 55% of teens aged 12-17 use online social networking. [x] Different types of social networking include MySpace, Facebook, personal blogs, chat forums or IMs.

Instant Messaging: Instant messaging is a quick and easy way for teens and adults to keep in touch with each other online throughout the day. IM allows users to create a profile, list music they are listening to, and provide an online status “busy, away, idle, and available.” The following are recommended guidelines for safe IM use:

• Limit your buddy list to people you know and really want to talk to.
• Do not feel special or popular if people chat with you about idle gossip. It means they think you're receptive to it.
• It is better to workout misunderstandings face to face, not in the chatroom.
• Think before you type. IM chats can be saved.
• Use caution when clicking on links others send you.

Facebook and MySpace are two popular places for teens and even adults. Both sites allow users to post personal information, likes and dislikes, pictures and music selections. Both sites also allow users to add friends and have friends post comments on their wall. Teens often rate their popularity based on their number of friends and the number of comments on their wall.

Teens typically approve friend requests for four reasons:

• They know the person directly.
• The person is a friend of a friend (of a friend).
• They do not know the person, but the person says they know him and they do not want to offend them by rejecting them.
• They are seeking new friends.

For teens, social networking sites are a large source of affirmation. Teens feel a part of a group, can display their personality, and see how popular they are based on the amount of friends they have and the number of comments they receive on their wall or page.

According to Courtney, 2/3 of parents have never talked with their kids about MySpace and 38% had never seen their kids MySpace account. She recommends parents create their own MySpace or Facebook or other type of page and add their teen as a friend so they can keep track of friends; comments, pictures their teens post and make sure their teens do not give out too much personal information. [xi] Although teens and adults use social networking to stay in touch, the following rules are necessary to protect against strangers.

• Set your page to private so only your friends can see it.
• Only add friends you know personally.
• Do not give out/post personal information such as last name, phone number, address or even high school and city.
• Make sure your pictures are appropriate. Some users post pictures of themselves drunk or in provocative clothing. Not only can these pictures be copied and saved by others, but many employers and college admission counselors now visit applicants' blogs or pages. Incriminating photos or even comments can cost them admission/employment.
• Do not post photos and stories about others without their permission.
• Check comments regularly. Delete SPAM/offensive comments and block users who send them.

These tips are for parents as well as children. Many adults have blogs for friends and family to track their children’s growth, family vacations, and cute day to day stories. Often, families will post personal information on their children, such as last name, age, birthdates or even the school they attend. Be mindful that others can read your blog and keep track of your family too.

Protecting Against Online Predators

Information posted on the Internet is never truly private. Private settings help, but even they can be bypassed. Users post personal information on blogs because they honestly believe only people who they know or comment on their blog read their page. Unfortunately, this is not true. Some anonymous readers may be harmless lurkers, hopping from links on friend’s blogs or MySpace pages. However, others can be online predators who read with the intent to lure, stalk, or even abduct.

According to David Finkelhor, a top expert in online youth victimization, 5% of online predators concealed they were adults from their victims. [xii] A fellow 15 year old high school student who loves basketball too could really be a 40 year old man seeking to gain your trust.

As scary as this may sound an even greater concern is that 80% of offenders were clear about their true identities and sexual intentions. These offenders will play on a teen’s desire for love, belonging, understanding and sympathy. This is typically done with the idea that their offenders love, and care about them...even though they don’t. Only 3% of predators abduct their victims. 73% of victims/youths go to meet their offender. [xiii]

1 in 7 users claim they were targeted by unwanted sexual solicitation.

• 47% were in online games.
• 34% in soclal networks.
• 50% in e-mail.
• 20% in a chatroom.

Predators take advantage of common teenage vulnerabilities. It is important parents educate their kids on the online tactics predators use as well as the consequences of meeting someone they met online. [xiv]

The following are different grooming tactics:

• Going private.
• Getting to know your favorite things (often to send gifts).
• Asking personal questions to make sure your parents are not around.
• Trying to garner sympathy.
• Saying they love you and even using threats or intimidations such as, "If you don't meet me or tell me something, I'll tell your parents."
• Beware of someone who tries to turn you against your family, friends or even teachers. [xv]

Protect Against Cyber Bullying

As important as it to be aware of online predators, it is equally important to protect against cyber bullies. Cyber bullying is using electronic communication to harm, intimidate, or bully. 1 in 3 12-17 year olds have been victims of cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is hurtful, embarrassing, and often illegal.

Examples of cyber bullying include the following:

• Websites that mock or torment people.
• A hot/not hot list.
• An online rating system to vote on the ugliest/coolest/hottest/etc. boy/girl in school.
• Basboards: Online chatrooms where teens can anonymously write anything they want, even if it is false and mean spirited.
• Threatening E-mails.
• Threatening IM chats.
• Threatening comments left on blogs or MySpace/Facebook pages. [xvi]
• Taking someone's picture to be used for someone else's online posting.
• Bullies increase their power by copying and forwarding their message to multiple people.

There are specific steps teens and parents can take to address cyber bullying.

• Do not respond to rude or harassing e-mails, messages, or Internet postings.
• Tell your parents what you found. Parents, take it seriously, don't brush it off.
• Parents, many kids choose not to tell because they are afraid parents will punish them and take away priveleges. It is important your kids know they will not be punished.
• Keep a record of cyber bullying incidents.
• Inform your Internet Service Provider.
• If necessary, delete your current accounts.
• Work to get websites bullying your children removed.
• Contact law enforcement and the cyber tipline at www.cybertipline.com. [xvii]

Cyber bullying is so threatening that states and school are adopting laws prohibiting it. The 2007 Oregon legislative session passed HB 2637. This added cyber bullying to the Oregon bullying legislation. This law allows school districts to adopt a policy prohibiting and selling punishments against cyber bullying.

Conclusion

After reading through the guidelines, rules and warnings, many parents might choose to ban all forms of online chat and social networking, and limit their child’s online time to supervised school research. Courtney observes this as a common reaction. However, she notes that Internet technology is a part of their child’s life. Instead of banning their children from technology, parents need to learn about new Internet media, decide when their child is old enough to use it (both MySpace and Facebook require age limits) and set up guidelines for responsible use.

Parents do not have to be experts in technology. They just need to be involved. [xviii]